3.9 Family relationships

3.9.1 The right to make decisions

A woman's right to make family decisions is closely related to her status and role in the family at different times.

Women of the three age cohorts had little to say in family decisions when they lived with their parents before marriage.

In the first two years after marriage, most women live with their parents-in law, who have the final say in the family. But they enjoy more rights than before marriage in the purchase of daily necessities. Women of the middle age cohort enjoy more rights to make decisions than those of the elderly cohort.

After the establishment of nuclear families, the husband and wife have decision-making rights in different areas. The wife usually has more say in buying daily necessities, while the husband usually has the final say in the acquisition of means of production and house building. In other words, the wife's rights are limited more or less to affairs in everyday life; it is the husband who makes decision on larder issues.

Table 3.26 Changes in the family structure of women's households at different stages in the life cycle, Hengtang and Jiahong

3.9.2 Sharing household work

The time-allocation study showed that women of all the cohorts are mainly responsible for the housework and spend much more time on it than their husbands. However, husbands render help to a certain extent. This pattern does not differ much between the three cohorts, though husbands of the women in the young cohort do somewhat more than of those in the other two cohorts. The percentages of husbands who help with housework were:

- young cohort, 55.2%,
- middle-age cohort, 51.5%,
- elderly cohort, 50.6%.

The percentages of husbands doing no housework were:

- young cohort, 26.4%,
- middle-age cohort, 30.7%,
- elderly cohort, 35.0%.

Comparison of the changes in housework-sharing before and after the economic reform shows a big difference between the two townships for the two older cohorts. In Hengtang the percentage of husbands of women in the elderly cohort sharing housework increased from 41.5% to 63.8%, and in the middle-age cohort it increased from 53.7% to 66.4%. In Jiahong the percentage of husbands of women in the elderly cohort sharing housework remained unchanged, while in the middle-age cohort it dropped from 46.1% to 33.9%

Table 3.27 Changes in family structure at different stage in women's life cycles (percentages of households)

In the young cohort, since the majority of the couples married after the economic reform, no comparative figures on changes in housework-sharing are available. However, there was a clear difference between the two townships at the time of the survey: In Hengtang 74% of the husbands of women in the young cohort share housework and 16% do not. In Jiahong the corresponding figures are 43% and 3%.

The difference is mainly the outcome of the developmental gap between the two locations. Since the economic reform, there have been more employment opportunities for the surplus female labour force in Hengtang than in Jiahong. As the life tempo in Hengtang is much faster for both husband and wife, the sharing of housework between them becomes a necessity. In Jiahong there are fewer employment opportunities for the surplus female labour force; life is slower, and quite a number of men do odd jobs outside the town. Consequently, the percentage of husbands sharing housework is lower.

Not many of the women surveyed in either township feel overburdened by household chores. In Jiahong about 40% of them feel more or less burdened, but they can cope. The percentage of women with such feelings is higher in the middle-age cohort than in the other two cohorts. In Hengtang the number of women who feel weighed down by housework is less than one-third of the total. There, also, the percentage of women with such feelings is highest in the middle-age cohort.

3.9.3 Interflow of ideas and feelings between husband and wife

In both Hengtang and Jiahong, about half the couples in the three age cohorts often chat with each other. The number doing so is highest among the young couples and lowest among the elderly ones. Their conversation is mainly concerned with household affairs, the family budget, arrangement of contracted farm work, plans for sideline occupations, and sometimes news about their neighbors or happenings in society. Generally speaking, young couples talk more about society.

When women feel annoyed by one thing or another, about half of them go to their husbands to get it off their chest. In most cases, they find solace from them; sometimes they get a cold response, and in exceptional cases they even get blamed. Usually young husbands are more understanding than the middle aged. Callous husbands are mostly found in the elderly cohort.

The life experience of women in the elderly cohort seems to confirm the general picture. They admire the young couples' freedom of choice, their mutual understanding before marriage, and the congeniality of their married life. On the whole, women in the elderly cohort feel that the young women now have a much better lot. They say their marriages were arbitrarily arranged by their parents. They did not so much as have a glimpse of their prospective husbands be fore the wedding. As the matchmakers' reports were often exaggerated, many of them felt frustrated, and frequent quarrels with their husbands made what should have been the golden years of married life miserable. It was only after having a number of children and living together for many years that the couple got adjusted to each other. Most of these women report that they now get along with their husbands better than in their younger days. Nonetheless, they believe that only a few old couples really love each other. The majority just manage to live together in harmony after years of mutual adjustment.